About Warmth, Heat and Love

In the headlines of the newspaper “Yediot – Ein Hashofet”, friends debated about the problem of heating in winter. Correct, it is not pleasant when it is cold, but it is always possible to wear extra clothes or to snuggle under a thick blanket. But this advise is not my answer to the real problem that may exist.
The significant and real heat exists only in love.
We are meant to receive the basic sense of warmth from out parents in infancy and childhood, and when this does not happen, or happens only partially, the cold of the weather receives a different meaning and even a different feeling. In some place, we freeze as babies and children with a lack of understanding why we are not loved.
We simply connect understand when our parents show any other treatment which is not true love, or their behavior which has that kind of message.
For most parents, it is simply comfortable and unconscious to take anger and frustrations out on their children. The experiences and feelings are not totally erased, but are repressed, and on this, neurosis is built which leads to emotional and physical sickness.
Violence is also a symptom of an adult who suffered a lacking in his childhood. And the harder the trauma, the more frustrated and violent the person will be.
Whoever follows the articles of the newspaper “Yediot – Ein Hashofet” over the years, surely understands me completely.
Among adults, warmth may be only a warm and hearty smile, a warm hug. When this exists, the weather is really insignificant. People need to feel warmth from within. When there is no love in early childhood, no heater or air conditioner can really warm or protect, until we feel warm as we are supposed to.
Even a partner will not be able to solve such a problem. When we are warm, we are happy and smiling, and radiate this in relationships too, and our children grow up happy and satisfied.
A smile is in fact, a carress and a hug of love itself of the entire creation and the person only does good, also to himself. I have already mentioned that in giving, receiving is the greatest, and thus, when you smile a smile of complete acceptance towards others, and they do the same to you, complete love exists. And true love in coupledom is the most wonderful of all. Intimacy and closeness between a man and a woman, complete with themselves in true love, is the purpose of our existance in this world.
My impression is that it is desired and possible to give more legitimisation to love and to our need to express it in all of its forms and layers. The legitimisation has to begin from within man himself. To feel that it is legitimate, allowed, worthwhile, natural, normal and desired to love without restrictions, blocks or defenses of shame and embarrasement or lack of acceptance.
The tragedy is when we do not receive legitimisation to express feelings and emotions in childhood and adolescence, in happiness and in gaiety, we are blocked to a great extent for the rest of our lives.
Childhood experiences are not erased, but repressed. This is an automatic action of an organism that can not tolerate the understanding that he is not loved – and based on these experiences, personalities which are not genuine, and are not themselves are built. The connection to ourselves, as we really are, is that which will allow us to grant our children with true love and real freedom. To be themselves, otherwise, the cycle of generations of neurosis will continue, a cycle of basic dissatisfaction and lack of contentment and non-genuine substitutes, perversions of any kind, etc., which express the need, our one and only need – to be loved.
In my opinion, violence and evil in this world is a result of a lack of love, because it is clear to every wize and normal person, that when there is love – there is no bad.

Warmth and heat are just love.

With warm love,
Yehuda Nechmad